Its slowly sinking in...

Last Sunday I had a crappy morning. I tried to put on my only pair of jeans "regular" jeans(I sold the rest b/c they were way too big), and they didn't fit very well. And I was SO ANGRY!

Call it hormones, the weather, or just mear frustration...but I was really mad. Depressed really. All I was thinking was "I can't believe that I worked SO HARD to lose 62 pounds prior to getting pregnant with Kendell and now I still can't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes!" What I should have said was what I was really feeling...."I don't think I can lose the weight again", which is exactly what I was thinking.

For some reason I couldn't believe that I had the will power to go through the struggle that I had before to lose this weight again, but I feel different now.

I realized (again!) that I can't really be on a "diet", I just need a change. I need to know that I am making healthy choices for foods that I put in my body. For me that is an easy shift as long as I have lots of fresh fruits and vegetables in the house. I have never been a real big meat eater, so I don't find myself binging on meats.

So I have adopted a new attitude. It is kindof relaxed. I have decided that the weight will come off. It will because my body will go to the size it is supposed to be if I only eat the right amount of calories, and if I continue to excersize on a regular basis.

So what have I done...

I started out by working out. I have been doing this for the last few days. I have created a list of stregnth and flexability excersizes that I can do in my living room with either a band or ball. And I can do them anytime which is great. I can get in my cardio by walking/jogging around my block. That should give me the cardio that I need with the added stregnth list.

I also made a healthy foods list that I can go through whenever I am going to the grocery store. This will ensure that I know that I can make _______________ when I need to. I also have made up a few things in advance(i.e. tuna salad, and soon tomato salad).

A big thing for me is MAKING myself eat in the morning. Its a must for someone who has such a history of type 2 diabetes in the family and I do. I have given terrible excuses for not eating in the morning and it won't work anymore. Because I am only lying to myself.

The big picture for me is showing/teaching my kids how to live fit. That doesn't mean that I am running a marathon although I would be up for certain "walking" events, but it does mean that I will not stand on the sideline if they want me to join them in something. I want to be the type of mom who is able to throw the softball with them, or even learn how to play soccer b/c one of my kids enjoys it. Who knows...all I am saying is that...the depression is lifted and I can do this.

I was afraid my drive to suceed was lost...but I think its a comming back!