Ahhhh...the joys of twins!!!
Ok...so I was presented with a new "twin issue" today after school.
As I was going through the take home folders I came upon a note that said(paraphrased)"During our spelling pre-test today your child spelled all the words successfully. Because of this I have given your child a new list of spelling words that are more challenging".
The problem....
That was in only ONE of my daughters take home folders. The other daughter tried really hard and got only one of the pre-spelling test words correct.
In any other household with different aged children this would have gone over much better. Either with a huge "I am proud of you" or a "I am proud of you for trying your best on your pre-test, it is a good way to know how much we know on Monday so that we can see the progress we have made on Friday"
But I couldn't say either of those. Because as a parent of twins you don't want them to think that they are doing things slower than the other so that they don't label themselves as the "slow" one.
So what did I do??? When I was in the basement looking for a writing tablet for the child who got the hard list, I mentioned that I was very proud of her but that her sister is feeling disapointed because she wanted to have the hard list too. She told me that she wasn't going to mention anything because she knew that she was disapointed(duh mom!).
Thus one of the joys of twins...especially identical twins!!! I try so hard not to compare them and I see great qualities in both of them but man it is difficult when even in first grade you are being recognized for excelling.
posted by Erin @ 7:05 PM
9 Comments:
Just my thoughts...This isn't just a twin thing. My sister and I were a grade apart and always being compared. She would bring home all A's and I would have one or two B's on there and feel bad. She was the sister that excelled in school and I was the sister that was popular and good at sports. It's going to be this way the rest of the time they are in school. It is important not to downplay the sister that excells. They are two different people and will be good at different things.
I forgot that my point was going to be (it's been a long day, okay) that you are going to deal with this issue with K4 and K5 too because they are close in age.
I have to agree with Beth, although I know it is probably a little harder with them being twins. Another thing that came to mind too, it may come to a point where the one that is excelling in something may start to feel bad about it and not feel like they can share anymore good things that happened. And as Beth said also, they will excel at different things so you will have an opportunity to encourage them to just try their best or give them each a bunch of high fives at different times! I'm already seeing this with our two being just a grade apart, but the neat thing is that sometimes they end up helping each other out in the area that needs work, although this does take some "encouragment" ;0)! Its defiently hard to be a parent huh!?! :0)
Wow. Isn't parenting such a tightrope walk? At least it feels that way at times to me. My girls are so different, yet each want to be recognized for being "the best" at something. I want to encourage them...yet not discourage the other one. OR encourage bragging.
But I do agree with "beth" said about not downplaying. As the older sister, I was often expected to downplay my successes. Excessively, in my opinion. And now as an adult, I sometimes feel like I still have to "take the back seat" so as to not hurt anyone's feelings. But it does hurt someone's. Mine. Because I feel like I don't have the freedom to be completely me, at least in terms of success and confidence. You know?
Again, it's such a tricky spot. And I can imagine that it's harder when you have little girls that look exactly alike and share everything!! may God give you wisdom upon wisdom to know how to intervene in each circumstance!!
blessings.
LET THE OLDER SISTER BE BETTER AT SOMETHING.
NO ONE CAN BE THE SAME AS SOME ONE ELSE. JUST TELL THEM BOTH THAT THEIR DOING A GOOD JOB
Wow...Jack that sounds like something my brother would say. Thanks for such great advice. I never thought of that.
YOUR BROTHER IS A SMART MAN AND GOOD LOOKING TOO.
Ha! Well at least I know he loves me enough to READ MY BLOG!!!
I LOVE YOU?
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